Recommended ReadingPonte Vedra Psychologists

The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, MD

Therapists commonly recommend The Feeling Good Handbook to their clients. This book is a follow-up to Dr. Burns’ classic, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I recommend the Handbook because it provides help on a broader range of topics. Dr. Burns gives a clearly written summary of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). He provides written exercises to help you understand the connections between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in stressful situations. He then enables you to gain control of the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to depression, anxiety, and other emotional problems.

I’ve been using this book in therapy with my clients for years with good results. Warning: You can’t just sit back and read this book passively. You absolutely have to do the exercises to benefit from reading this book. And it is best to have the one-on-one guidance of a licensed professional therapist on how best to use this book in your unique set of circumstances. Professional feedback really helps you acquire skills in monitoring and managing your moods.

Another warning: This is not bedtime reading material. I remember one of my clients had terrible insomnia. I asked him about his nightly routine before going to sleep. He told me he had a stack of self-help books on his bedside stand and randomly picked one up to read before going to sleep. By doing this every night, he was able to see how many problems he had and what he could and should do to fix them. He didn’t know where to start. He felt overwhelmed by all the things he should do and how little he was really doing. He was unwittingly inducing anxiety, guilt, and demoralization on a nightly basis. No wonder he couldn’t get to sleep! I advised him to put his self-help books in a closet and work with me on mastering one skill at a time. His insomnia soon lifted, and he recovered from his depression. There is a lesson to be learned here for anyone into these “self-hell” books.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior—and Feel Great Again by Jeffrey E. Young, Ph.D., & Janet S. Klosko, Ph.D.

Young and Klosko translate schema therapy into everyday language. The book helps you spot recurring “lifetraps”—stuck patterns like Abandonment, Mistrust, Defectiveness, Dependence, and Unrelenting Standards—then shows how they developed and how to change them. Through brief quizzes, vivid case examples, and step-by-step “pattern-breaking” plans, you learn to challenge the voice of the Inner Critic, choose healthier partners and boundaries, and practice new behaviors that build self-respect and close, secure relationships. It’s compassionate, concrete, and immediately usable.

Among practicing clinicians, Schema Therapy is valued by those who strive to integrate cognitive-behavioral therapy with more traditional psychodynamic insights into how belief and value systems, derived from our early experiences, operate outside of our awareness to shape, for good or ill, our everyday experiences in the present. Schema Therapy provides traction for this integration.

In therapy, I reach for this book when people say, “Why do I keep ending up in the same situation?” We identify your top lifetraps, create simple coping cards, and design real-world experiments that prove new beliefs true. Patients often tell me this framework finally “connects the dots” across relationships, work, and self-worth—and gives them a path out of old grooves.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans

Patricia Evans' book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond, is a classic self-help book targeted primarily at women in abusive relationships with men. Read with an open mind, however, the book offers insights that also apply to men in verbally abusive relationships with women. When people with anger management issues read this book, it can help them see more clearly the impact their angry behavior has on others, and, with this raised awareness, hopefully, motivate them to change.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman, Ph.D.

As a marriage counselor/couples therapist, I often recommend this book to couples experiencing relationship difficulties. Unlike "Psych Jocks" on TV and radio, Dr. Gottman has devoted his life to researching intimate relationships. He has worked with thousands of couples in his "Love Lab," where they fill out questionnaires, have their interactions videotaped, and even have their physiological stress responses monitored during these interactions. Dr. Gottman has been able to predict with remarkable accuracy which couples will stay together and which ones will not.

Two criticisms: Unless I'm missing something, I think Gottman lacks an overarching theory of intimate relationships to help couples digest his research findings and guide them through the process of improving their relationships. I also believe that he sometimes gets a little too cute and gimmicky with his phrases (e.g.,"four horsemen of the apocalypse"). He keeps on publishing more self-help books on relationships, but for my money, this one is just fine. When I use this book in marriage/couples counseling, I ask partners to buy two books because there are questionnaires that need to be completed by each partner.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

After the Affair, Third Edition: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.

A partner's infidelity can be earth-shattering to the hurt partner. And infidelity often deals a death blow to the relationship.

In her book, After The Affair. Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., offers a clear, compassionate roadmap for couples reeling from infidelity. The third edition updates the classic with guidance for digital-era betrayals, blending attachment-aware insights with practical, step-by-step tools. Spring speaks to both the hurt partner and the involved partner in alternating chapters, validating the shock, anger, and obsessive rumination while demanding accountability, empathy, and transparency. She breaks recovery into phases—stabilizing the crisis, deciding whether to recommit, and, if you stay, rebuilding trust—then supplies concrete exercises: disclosure scripts, boundaries and no-contact rules, trust-building agreements, and timelines for healing. The tone is frank but humane; she neither trivializes the injury nor shames the couple for trying. Whether you are staying, leaving, or unsure, this is an exceptionally usable, hope-grounded guide.

As a marriage counselor/couples therapist, I have helped many couples navigate their way through the emotional wreckage of infidelity. I have a sub-speciality in this area. This book is a must-read for couples dealing with infidelity. The book is well-written in non-technical language. I regularly incorporate this book into marriage counseling sessions when infidelity is the issue.

And this should come as no surprise: I have found that when a spouse refuses to read this book, the prognosis is not good.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change (Updated Edition) by Sharon Anthony Bower & Gordon H. Bower

Assertiveness isn’t a personality trait—it’s a learnable skill. In Asserting Yourself, the Bowers teach calm, clear ways to ask for what you need, set boundaries, and say no without guilt or aggression. The book breaks skills into small, practiceable steps: using “I” statements, crafting brief boundary language, making reasonable requests, handling criticism, negotiating disagreements, and repairing after conflict. Short exercises and sample dialogues help you rehearse tough moments—returning an item, pushing back on a deadline, addressing a put-down, or asking for more connection at home. The tone is respectful and practical throughout: confident, not combative.

As a cognitive-behavioral therapist, I return to this book often. I have been recommending Asserting Yourself for years to help people learn and substitute new, healthy assertive behaviors for old, self-defeating patterns of aggressive behaviors or passive (nonassertive) behaviors. It gives patients ready-to-use language and reduces the anxiety that keeps people silent or explosive. I frequently assign targeted chapters and then role-play the scripts in session so the skills become natural.

If you like the look and feel of a workbook, you will like this book because the authors provide lots of exercises. My favorite part of the book is the four-step technique for handling interpersonal conflicts--DESC scripts: Describe (D) the other person’s behavior objectively in concrete terms, Express (E) your feelings calmly about this behavior, Specify (S) the concrete actions you want to see stopped and those you want instead, Consequences (C)--make them explicit--rewards for change, punishments for no change. This four-step process of formatting an assertive response helps you steer a course between the extremes of being aggressive and passive.

If you’ve ever felt walked on—or worried you come on too strong—this guide will help you communicate clearly, kindly, and effectively. I highly recommend this book to anyone with assertiveness problems, including those with anger management issues.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach (Workbook), Third Edition by Debra A. Hope, Ph.D., Richard G. Heimberg, Ph.D., & Cynthia L. Turk, Ph.D.

Social anxiety traps people in an avoid-and-worry loop: fearing judgment, they avoid; avoiding keeps fear alive. This hands-on workbook from Oxford’s Treatments That Work series shows you how to break that loop with straightforward CBT tools. Chapters walk you through understanding the anxiety cycle, spotting unhelpful predictions and safety behaviors, building a graded exposure plan, testing beliefs with behavioral experiments, and strengthening everyday communication skills. The worksheets are clear, the examples feel real, and the step-by-step structure makes progress measurable—whether you’re working alone or alongside a therapist.

As a CBT clinician, I use this book frequently with patients who fear meetings, small talk, dating, presentations, or being the center of attention. We tailor the exposure ladder to your real life, rehearse the language you’ll use, and track outcomes so you can see confidence grow session by session. If you’re ready to move from “What if I embarrass myself?” to “I can handle this,” this is the workbook I recommend.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach (Workbook) by Michael W. Otto, Ph.D., Noreen A. Reilly-Harrington, Ph.D., Robert O. Knauz, Ph.D., Aude Henin, Ph.D., Jane N. Kogan, Ph.D., & Gary S. Sachs, M.D.

Bipolar disorder requires both medical care and day-to-day skills. This Treatments That Work workbook gives you a clear, stepwise plan for the “skills” side: tracking mood and sleep, spotting personal triggers and early-warning signs, building a relapse-prevention plan, and knowing exactly what to do when you’re drifting upward (hypomania) or downward (depression). Chapters teach cognitive tools for discouraging negative thoughts, behavioral strategies to manage energy safely, routines that stabilize sleep–wake rhythms, and communication plans for involving family and your prescriber. The worksheets are practical and specific—mood charts, early-signs checklists, “if/then” action plans, and crisis scripts—so progress is visible and repeatable.

In my CBT practice, I pair this workbook with coordinated psychiatric care. We customize a simple daily rhythm (sleep, meds, light, caffeine, exercise), create a personal “yellow/red” action plan, and rehearse exactly whom to call and what to do when early signs appear. Patients and families tell me it reduces fear, prevents setbacks, and builds confidence in living well between episodes. Highly recommended.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic (MAP) Workbook, Fourth Edition by David H. Barlow, Ph.D., & Michelle G. Craske, Ph.D.

Panic feels like an emergency; MAP shows you it’s a false alarm—and teaches you how to retrain that alarm system. This workbook explains the panic cycle in plain language, then gives you a step-by-step plan: track attacks, spot “safety behaviors,” and gradually face both the sensations (heart racing, dizziness, breathlessness) and the situations you avoid. Interoceptive exercises (e.g., gentle hyperventilation, spinning, running in place) help you learn that feared sensations are uncomfortable but safe; situational exposures rebuild freedom to drive, shop, sit in meetings, fly, or stand in lines. The skills include realistic thinking, riding out anxiety without rituals, and a practical relapse-prevention plan so gains last. Worksheets and examples make each step concrete and doable.

In my CBT practice, this is the workbook I reach for with panic disorder—with or without agoraphobia—and for people stuck in ER/urgent-care cycles. We personalize an exposure ladder, rehearse exactly how you’ll respond when symptoms surge, and reduce the crutches that keep panic in charge. Patients consistently regain territory in their lives—travel, work presentations, church services, bridges, elevators—often faster than they expected. Highly recommended.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Overcoming Depression: A Cognitive Therapy Approach (Workbook), Second Edition by Mark Gilson, Ph.D., Arthur Freeman, Ed.D., M. Jane Yates, Ph.D., & Sharon Morgillo Freeman, M.S.

Depression shrinks life: less energy, fewer activities, more isolation—then the mood sinks further. This workbook gives you a practical plan for reversing that spiral using CBT. You’ll learn how thoughts, feelings, and actions feed each other; how to track mood; and how to test gloomy predictions rather than believe them. Chapters guide you through activity scheduling (small, doable steps that rebuild energy and pleasure), realistic thinking with thought records, problem-solving, managing guilt and hopelessness, and creating a relapse-prevention plan. The worksheets are simple, the examples feel real, and the pacing makes change bite-sized and repeatable.

In my CBT work with depression, this is a go-to. We start with a weekly “action first, mood follows” plan—brief walks, small social contacts, basic self-care—then add thought records that upgrade negative self-talk into fair, evidence-based alternatives. We track mastery and pleasure so you can see momentum build, and we map early-warning signs with clear “if/then” steps to stay well. It’s not a pep talk; it’s a usable map out of the fog.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (Tenth Edition) by Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D., & Michael L. Emmons, Ph.D.

This classic of assertiveness training teaches how to speak up with clarity and respect—without sliding into passivity or aggression. Alberti and Emmons explain the differences between the four communication styles, then coach core skills, including stating needs with “I” language, saying no, setting limits, handling criticism, negotiating conflicts, and repairing relationships when emotions run high. The book’s “Personal Bill of Rights,” plus techniques like the broken record, negative assertion, and negative inquiry, give you simple scripts you can practice immediately. Updated editions address modern contexts (texting, workplace dynamics, family boundaries) while keeping the tone practical and humane.

Now in its tenth edition, Your Perfect Right is one of the most recommended guides for assertiveness by therapists. Read the reviews on Amazon and you will see why this book is called the ‘bible” of assertiveness. As the title suggests, we have the perfect right to express what we want and act in our own best interests in family, work, and social situations. And we can do this while respecting the same right that others have to be assertive. I have been recommending this book for years. Some of my clients like this book better than Asserting Yourself. I highly recommend getting both books.

In my CBT work, I often pair this book with targeted role-plays. We select two or three rights that matter most to you, rehearse brief boundary statements, and use the broken-record technique to stay calm and consistent under pressure. Patients find that this approach reduces guilt, prevents blowups, and builds genuine mutual respect—at home and at work.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

This classic makes everyday parent–child friction feel solvable. Faber and Mazlish teach a simple sequence—acknowledge feelings first, then guide behavior—and back it with quick, memorable tools. Instead of lectures or threats, you learn to: name emotions to lower intensity; describe the problem rather than attack character; invite choices and collaborative problem-solving; use one-word reminders and brief notes; offer alternatives to punishment (make amends, take action, set limits calmly); and give descriptive praise that builds real competence. The cartoons and dialogues show exactly what to say during homework battles, morning routines, screen-time struggles, sibling conflict, and meltdowns at any age. The result is fewer power struggles, more cooperation, and a stronger connection—without becoming permissive.

This book is a must-read for any parent. It is concise and well-written. I personally like the use of cartoons to help parents grasp parenting techniques: A picture sometimes IS worth a thousand words. I recommend this book to parents in family counseling. I have applied the authors' techniques at home with good results.

In family sessions, I coach parents to practice one or two skills per week—often “acknowledge feelings” and “describe the problem.” We script the exact lines for your hot spots (bedtime, chores, backtalk), align co-parents on the same approach, and add brief check-ins with teens so they feel respected, not managed. When parents try these micro-scripts consistently, homes get quieter and kids take more responsibility. This is the single best starter book I recommend for improving communication at home.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

Faber and Mazlish adapt their proven communication tools to the high-stakes world of adolescence, where autonomy and connection constantly rub shoulders. The book shows parents how to acknowledge feelings first (to lower intensity), then describe the problem instead of attacking character, invite choices and collaboration, and set clear, calm limits without lectures or power struggles. Practical chapters cover homework and grades, curfews and driving, privacy and honesty, friendships and dating, screens and substances. Dialogues and cartoons model exactly what to say—one-word reminders, brief notes, “I” statements, problem-solving meetings—so conversations become respectful, two-way, and productive.

From the same authors of the book above, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, comes another must-read book for parents of teenagers. I am now recommending this book to parents in family therapy. After reading this little book, I began using these techniques in my home.

In family sessions, I often assign one or two skills per week (usually “acknowledge feelings” and “describe the problem”) and we script the exact lines for hot spots like curfew, tone of voice, unfinished homework, or phone overuse. Parents are pleasantly surprised: when they listen first and then set limits collaboratively, teens become less oppositional and more responsible. This book helps families reduce drama, keep dignity intact on both sides, and build the adult-to-adult relationship they ultimately want with their teenager.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

The New Male Sexuality (Revised Edition): The Truth About Men, Sex, and Pleasure by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D.

Zilbergeld takes the pressure-cooker out of male sexuality. In The New Male Sexuality, he dismantles myths that drive anxiety—“real men are always ready,” “erection equals success,” “sex should be spontaneous and flawless”—and replaces them with a realistic, science-based view of desire, arousal, and satisfaction across the lifespan. He covers the whole landscape: performance worry, erection and ejaculation difficulties, differences in desire between partners, aging, porn, and the role of communication and sensuality. The tone is direct and non-shaming, and the guidance is practical: slow down, expand the definition of sex, work with your body instead of against it, and use clear language with your partner to build comfort, pleasure, and connection.

We used to give copies of this book to male patients in the Sexual Counseling Service at Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. This edition is even better than the first. I routinely recommend this book to my clients--female as well as male. The chapter on Myths is alone worth the price of the book. So is the chapter on medications that can have adverse effects on sexual functioning. Bernie Zilbergeld's writing style is very engaging and witty. I highly recommend this book. I will give a copy of this book to my son when the time is right.

As a sex therapist, I recommend this book frequently to men and couples who feel stuck in a performance mindset. Patients tell me it lowers anxiety, normalizes everyday experiences, and gives them simple, respectful ways to talk about sex without blame. I often pair targeted chapters with in-session exercises to shift the focus from “performing” to enjoying each other—an approach that reliably improves both confidence and intimacy.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Coping with Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex by Michael E. Metz, Ph.D., & Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D.

Metz and McCarthy offer a sane, couple-centered plan for a very common problem. They replace shame and quick fixes with clear education about arousal, practical pacing skills, and a roadmap you can follow together. The book teaches awareness of early-warning signs, graded practice to extend arousal, ways to reduce performance pressure, and how to broaden pleasure so sex isn’t a pass/fail test. Their “good-enough sex” model lowers anxiety and builds confidence, emphasizing teamwork, communication, and realistic goals. Brief exercises make progress measurable; relapse-prevention chapters show how to handle setbacks without losing momentum.

As a sex therapist, I use this book frequently with couples. We tailor the practice schedule, script the language for check-ins, and track gains week by week so you can see control and satisfaction improve. When partners learn to work the plan—rather than chase perfection—anxiety drops and intimacy grows.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence & Enjoy Great Sex by Michael E. Metz, Ph.D., & Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D.

This guide reframes ED from a solitary performance failure into a shared, solvable couple issue. Metz and McCarthy explain the interplay of physiology, anxiety, and relationship dynamics, then lay out a step-by-step program: rebuilding erotic confidence, shifting from goal-pressure to connection, using structured intimacy exercises, and—when appropriate—integrating medical treatments with behavioral skills. The tone is practical and respectful, with checklists, homework, and specific strategies for handling setbacks without blame. The emphasis is on restoring a satisfying sexual life, not chasing a perfect one.

In treatment, I pair this book with coordinated medical care when needed. We personalize the exercises, strengthen communication, and create a simple maintenance plan so gains last. Couples consistently report less pressure, more closeness, and a return to enjoyable, reliable intimacy.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality (Newly Revised & Updated) by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D.

A classic, shame-free guide that helps women understand their bodies and build pleasure with confidence. Barbach dispels persistent myths about desire and orgasm, explains anatomy and arousal in clear terms, and offers step-by-step exercises for solo exploration that translate naturally to partnered sex. The tone is warm and practical: learn pacing, pressure, and position; experiment with touch and breath; communicate preferences without apology; and expand the definition of satisfying sex beyond “performance.” Throughout, the book normalizes individual differences and encourages curious, judgment-free learning—at any age.

This is a classic self-help book written to help with female orgasmic disorder (anorgasmia). More generally, the book is designed to help woman realize their full potential for sexual fulfillment. We used to give copies of this book to female patients in the Sexual Counseling Service at Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. Men should also read it. This new and expanded edition is better than the first. This book is useful resource for patients receiving sex therapy for orgasmic difficulties, but should not be considered a substitute for sex therapy delivered by a qualified sex therapist.

As a sex therapist, I recommend For Yourself to women who feel anxious, unsure, or frustrated—and to partners who want to support without pressuring. I pair targeted chapters with simple at-home practice and, when appropriate, couple exercises that prioritize comfort and communication. Time and again, this book helps patients replace self-doubt with knowledge, skill, and a more relaxed, enjoyable relationship with their sexuality.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.

Branden reframes self-esteem as a practice, not a mood: the ongoing experience of being capable of meeting life’s challenges and worthy of happiness. He organizes that practice into six daily disciplines—living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity—and shows how each pillar is built through small, repeatable behaviors. A standout feature is his sentence-completion method: brief prompts you finish quickly (e.g., “If I were 5% more self-accepting today…”), which uncover beliefs, clarify values, and translate insight into action. The tone is steady and respectful; this is not pep talk or narcissism, but a practical ethic of how to live.

In therapy, I often pair Branden’s pillars with CBT tools. We map them to real habits—tracking “living consciously” with mindful awareness, turning “self-responsibility” into specific next steps, practicing “self-assertiveness” with short boundary scripts, and aligning goals and calendars for “living purposefully.” The sentence-completion exercises are quick, revealing, and easy to maintain; they surface assumptions that keep people stuck and help couples speak to each other with honesty and respect. I also draw on Branden’s visibility theme—being seen, heard, and understood—as a cornerstone of intimacy. For clients who want a principled, actionable path to sturdy self-respect, this is my go-to recommendation.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists

How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons by Albert Ellis, Ph.D., & Arthur Lange, Ed.D.

Ellis’s REBT message is disarmingly simple: other people don’t actually “push your buttons”—your beliefs about their behavior do. This book teaches the ABCDE method step by step: identify the Activating (A) event (the snub, criticism, eye-roll), uncover the Beliefs (B) (rigid “musts/shoulds,” awfulizing, and “I-can’t-stand-it” thinking), notice the Consequences © (anger, hurt, guilt), Dispute (D) those beliefs with empirical, logical, and pragmatic questions, and adopt an Effective (E) new philosophy (flexible preferences, high frustration tolerance, and unconditional self/other acceptance). Chapters translate this into everyday scripts for dealing with criticism, unfairness, difficult relatives, coworkers, and intimate partners—without becoming passive. You learn to stand up for yourself and stay steady.

In CBT sessions, I often use Ellis-style disputing alongside assertiveness coaching: we map a recent “button-pushing” incident with the ABCDE worksheet, write rational response cards (“I strongly prefer respect, but I don’t need it to cope well”), and practice calm, clear boundary language. Patients consistently report fewer blowups, less rumination, and more control in high-friction moments—at home and at work. A concise, durable toolkit for emotional self-governance.

–Reviewed by Gregory L. Garamoni, Ph.D., Founder & Director, Ponte Vedra Psychologists