Why Your Therapist Might Not Wave to You
Boundaries are invisible guardrails protecting the therapy relationship.
🚧 When Apparent Aloofness is an Act of Care.
Therapists are trained to listen deeply, care profoundly, and support individuals in their healing process. But you may have noticed something odd—your therapist might not say hello when you pass each other at the grocery store. They might avoid parties you invite them to. They might not even accept gifts or remember your birthday.
This isn’t a lack of warmth. It’s something more profound: professional ethics designed to safeguard your privacy, protect the integrity of your therapy, and ensure that you always feel safe in the relationship.
Confidentiality Isn’t Just About Secrets
You probably already know that what you say in therapy is private. But confidentiality extends beyond what’s said in the room. It also includes the simple fact that you’re in treatment at all.
For more on privacy and boundaries in treatment, see How We Work. Prefer discretion when reaching out? Use our Secure Contact Form. For a broader look at my path to practice, read Across Continents and Careers.
If we bump into each other in public, I may not greet you unless you greet me first. That’s not coldness—it’s discretion. You may not want others to know you’re my client, and I will never put you in a position where you have to explain.
I still remember seeing someone I had worked with—let’s call him Clinton—walking down the sidewalk as I drove past. My instinct was to wave, to smile, to acknowledge our shared history. But I didn’t. I kept driving. Not because I didn’t care, but because I cared enough to let him choose. If he wanted to remain unseen in that moment, that was his right. Even now, I sometimes wonder if he knew that I saw him—and that in my silence, I was still honoring our connection.
Boundaries Protect the Work
Therapy is unique because it’s all about you. That means I won’t enter into other roles in your life—not as a friend, not as a business partner, and never as a romantic interest.
These boundaries are grounded in the ethical standards of the American Psychological Association. They exist to create a space where you can feel truly safe, open, and unburdened.
So, if I don’t accept a gift or politely decline a social invitation, it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I do.
Why It Matters
When you know your therapist is holding clear boundaries, you can relax and focus on the work. You can trust that our connection is focused on your healing—not on fulfilling my needs, or blending into other areas of your life.
We all need relationships where we are seen and supported. The therapeutic relationship is a special kind of connection—one built on ethical commitment, clarity, and care.
— By Gregory Garamoni, Ph.D.
Ponte Vedra Psychologists
